No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
