Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize