I wish i was in the wii world.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
