I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I could fuck to npr.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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