margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
