Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
