Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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