I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
