You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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