In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
