i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
