I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
