Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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