My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
