Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
