My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
