he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
