I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
