running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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