girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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