How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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