After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
