guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A+ Viking dick
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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