Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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