i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
