he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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