this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
