I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
