I am in a vortex of obligation.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
