I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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