when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
