it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
