you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
