Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
