I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
please don't ironically join a cult
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