I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
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Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
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I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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