There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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