3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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