after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you had me at cake vodka
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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