Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
