Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
