last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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