I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
