walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
