some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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