I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
