were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
