My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
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.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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