I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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