$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
