Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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