I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
