He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
