He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
