How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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