I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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