Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
