Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
