Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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