lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
