I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
