im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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