Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
