I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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