'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
soo... how was my night?
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