i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
