i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
