I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
