K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you can't hotbox the world.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize