Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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