I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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